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i was cutting of my pillow's circulation by hugging it thinking about you, i hope you're okay ♡

I layed in bed for too long today changing between hugging this big ass bear and writing cryptic tweets

tôi cũng yêu bạn

i've been checking twitter a lot more than usual today. idk why

also it's not me STILL imagining what i'd do if you randomly appeared on the street whenever i walk to the shops (the shops)

also don't delete things u've previously said idiot.this is supposed to be an archive

No it is a fun and exciting place to express ourselves indirectly because we're afraid to talk about our feelings I will happily edit ur paragraphs into my own love notes

I saw you said you sent a letter and I realized I hadn't gone out to check the mail in almost three weeks and I went to look and I had a letter and my heart dropped but it was just government paperwork and I was really sad

If I disappear it's because I took my sleeping pills awhile ago and can't kept myself up but I'm happy that you don't hate me, I miss you.

you'll know it's my letter when you get it, you'll definitely know - i sent it on june 9, i was going to send it on the 28th when i wrote it but i didn't. i won't tell you any more about it though. i miss you too, i've tried making myself hate you thinking you'll never come back and that you don't like me, but i literally do not have it in me. i could never hate you or even dislike you in a million years.

i'm glad you still think of me, i'm glad you still remember me too. i still like you a lot deep down

i hid your package but i went and got it from my draw just to smell it again for only 2 seconds, and my heart started rushing - it's strange how we're such opposites yet so the same

I wish I could explain to you why I was gone but I'm afraid you won't believe me, I could swear up and down that it wasn't you but you wouldn't believe that either. I spent so many of my nights looking at myself waste away wishing I had it in me to be someone worth loving and someone that knew how to love. Boo hoo wah wah poor me pity party.

I can't stop thinking about you

And when I saw you wanted to send the letter in my absence a huge part of myself hoped you would send it anyways so I knew someones heart ached for me, and a another part knew that someone that sends love letters across the world deserves so much more than me

june 12 1:34am awst

tell me why you disappeared!! you might find i know more than you think i do - i had something i was gonna say but sleep made me forget, it was something cute and romantic though your name is still on my chest and thigh, albeit not as bold as before, you can still see it. the smiley is still very apparent. i've got weird spots on my chest now, idk where they came from or what they are. tell me everything and i mean everything

They are probably little bugs living under your skin making a comfortable home

I was supposed to go to my grandmas but she ended up canceling which shouldn't have hit me as hard but it was really bad timing, during a night when I was at the end of my rope. I spiraled and don't really remember the week after that, I just know I hit my dealer up and went MIA from everyone, to the point I've of my friends came to check in on me. I started self harming again after almost half a year of not doing it and just kept spiralling, I don't know what happened. Jades stayed with me and took care of me, she kept trying to bring me to the hospital but I went a year and a half ago and I just couldn't do it again.I don't want to create this stupid pity party for myself but I don't know what happened. I feel like my brain broke. I saw your tweet about being proud you'd never done drugs the other day and I felt foul, because all I could do for the past three weeks was drugs. It's June and it's the two year anniversary of when Mendy assaulted me, and July will be the two year anniversary of when I was trafficked. It seems every summer gets worse, like my brain remembers the flowers growing and the rain and the sunshine and just retreats into itself. I don't know what I'm doing but I knowi am not worth loving right now.

you are absolutely worth loving absolutely i'd do the whole shebang of "i hope you're okay" etc. but i know it won't help, but do tell me how i can ♡

It would help a lot if u were always my bff and never stopped liking me and loved me unconditionally and carved my name into ur forehead

I'm talking to u constantly but I'm still checking to see if you're talking to me here too

20220612 1453 time goes so slow yet so fast when i talk to you

i am so wildly in love with you that i think i'm dreaming. in love to the point that i feel like it's annoying (i want to annoy you anyway dumb idiot). listening to you breathe in your sleep as i write this, unable to go back to sleep, eating some salty crackers. the more i fall in love with you the MORE i fall in love with you. you're in the back of my mind with everything i do. i hope you think of me whenever it rains

I haven't been awake for ten minutes and I already miss you so much, I wish that I was never awake while you were gone. I feel like I'm writing secret love letters to a lover my father has forbidden and it's 1867. I miss you, I'm so scared of losing you again gracie ♡♡ i woke up and can't think about anything else but you, i literally cannot distract myself from you. the only way i can is by going back to sleep, which i can't because i'm thinking about you and thinking about you makes my heart rush and my brain lights up. i miss you & i love you when i send you 1 message it becomes easier to send you a second, and a third, and a fourth, until it seems like i'm insane. when i think about you i'll start and then not stop, i'll KEEP thinking about you, and when i'm obsessed or in love with you it just keeps going back on itself like a feedback loop. if you set the conditions just right you could make me so in love with you that you literally change my brain chemistry forever. loving you is a feedback loop and i love it

this feeling of missing you when i know you'll come back is oddly comforting. i could sit in my bed all day on the brink of tears just thinking about you waiting until you come back, desperately holding myself back from texting you 4,000,000,000 times

I want to be able to love you freely, I can't show you this love when it feels so double sided. I know I'm not in the best spot but that doesn't mean Im allowed to hurt people too, and I don't want to keep hurting you. I feel like a terrible person and I can't show you the love you deserve when I'm constantly terrified of hurting someone else, no matter what we've been through he doesn't deserve this and neither do you, please try to understand where I'm coming from and please let me figure this out on my own. You're my best friend and I don't want you to go and I'll never make you go, but I cannot justify my own hurt with more hurt.

i hope we can still talk on here. it was very fun being cryptic with you. if that was our last goodbye for now it felt very unceremonious and cold. but i promise i'll never stop loving you and i promise we will talk again. i hope you still love me. your love for me is the most precious thing in my life and i feel it's very fragile if not broken at this point. i miss you and i LOVE YOU gracie. i'll check this place every day, every hour even. bye for now ♡

I don't know if you'll see this, it might have been too long since I updated it, but I miss you so much and it makes me feel so horrible

Every day the same stupid song plays back in my head and I feel like shit

I hope you see this

of course i'll see it !! i check this page almost hourly when i'm awake & not working !! what song is it? i'd like to listen with you ♡ i miss you terribly too & it's nice to know you still think about me. i'm sorry for being such a dumdum !! keep in touch ?

Glimpse of us, joji

I hope you find someone that can be real for you

as much as you're just an idea in my mind to me, you're as real as you need to be, as real as you can be, and i still appreciate it. a lot. i'm listening to protection by massive attack right now. i think about you a lot. are you okay? update, sitting at the bus stop on my walk home from work at 2am just to see if you've updated this page. i miss you.

june 27, ကျွန်တော်သင့်ကိုစောင့်နေတယ်။

june 28, i miss you so so so fucking much and it makes me really sad. i've been thinking about you a lot more than yesterday today. i hope you come back soon