666YOR

‌i had a dream about you. not with you just in the dream, but ABOUT you. it was really weird and detailed. and it's weirder since i hadn't thought about you once for the past maybe 30 hours or so. idk.

july 20 8pm

july 23 my mind is blocking out all the reasons why i liked you. there are so many but when i try to remember i feel this weird resistance. i hate saying "my mind is doing this, and my mind is doing that" but it really feels like i have no control over it. i hate that i'm tricking myself into hating you. you don't deserve it. i miss you. i'm sorry. even after you're gone i'm having feelings about you that i've never had about anyone else ever before. i'm weirded out about how not-at-all depressed i am about you being gone. i really thought i'd be more upset, but instead i just think about you sometimes. what's also weird is that i'm not even really thinking of you as i write this. your name and face aren't in my mind, just the idea of you as someone, a raw personality. not "grace", not the canadian girl with weird cool hair, but an energy that just "is" you. it's such a weird feeling. i'm writing this deep in a hidden memo on my phone but i hope one day you'll read this. i miss you.